I feel like I owe the whole universe a bit of an apology for not being my usual self and decided that there’s nothing better than a good old-fashioned rant to get things off my chest and clear the air. Ranting *is* one of my mad skillz, so sit back and prepare yourselves for my off-cycle, non-Festivus-related Airing of Grievances.
First, there’s a very real possibility that I may find myself jobless in the relatively near future, through zero fault of my own and for no legitimately good reason short of where I’m located. My company is going through a merger at the moment. Communication around the changes that are going to take place has been extremely limited and, frankly, inadequate. The only thing we know is that Vancouver is no longer Head Office and that Toronto will be our primary hub now. The morale around the office is atrocious because we’re basically dead in the water until the hammer falls.
This is frustrating to everyone on staff, of course, but especially on us admin people who aren’t deemed “critical” to the company’s day-to-day operations (even though if we suddenly stopped paying everybody I’m sure it’d be noticed pretty damned fast.) We’re stuck in a holding pattern, not knowing what we’re working towards or if it’s even worth continuing to care.
Generalized frustrations notwithstanding, let’s get a few things straight. First, I love my job. I love what I do – it’s why I’ve chosen it as a profession. Second, I love my company. We’ve got a pretty nice, happy family here, and by and large it’s enjoyable to get up and come to work in the morning because I’ve got a team of people with whom I generally like working. Of course there are troublemakers, but that happens everywhere and we’re no exception.
Now, because I love my job and my company, there are certain sacrifices I’ve made over the past couple of years. Things have not been a cakewalk by any stretch of the imagination. My department has spent the better part of the last two years short-staffed and struggling, mostly because in times of trouble, we put our noses to the grindstone, rallied under pressure, and performed the work of four people with only three because people have to get paid. We were so good at this, in fact, that we had to fight tooth and nail to get a fourth member added back to our headcount because the company legitimately forgot we were supposed to be a four-person team and allocated the extra head elsewhere. It came to a head because we could no longer balance our lives with the huge workload and amount of overtime required to keep things afloat. Long story short, we have WORKED OUR BUTTS OFF to keep this department going, and the thought that all of our hard work may be entirely disregarded because we don’t live in Toronto is incredibly disheartening. It’s a slap in the face and it’s getting increasingly difficult to keep going.
So on top of all that, there’s the health side of things. Today marks FOUR HELLISH WEEKS that I’ve been stuck with a headache of epic proportions. And not just a regular run-of-the-mill headache, nope. When I do things, I go ALL OUT, people.
Anyhow, I’ve been tentatively diagnosed with this lovely little thing called Cluster Headache. Some of the highlights from Wikipedia include, but are not limited to:
- repeated attacks of excruciatingly severe unilateral headache pain
- the disease may be the most painful condition known to medical science
- those with cluster headaches may experience suicidal thoughts during an attack as a result of the pain
And underneath all this, I’ve got a migraine. So, long story short, super fun times all around. I’m a goddamned joy to be around, let me tell you. Anyhow, I’ve got a CT scan tomorrow and am still waiting on some specialists’ appointments to figure out why it feels like there are fire ants forming a colony behind my left eye.
WARNING: the image below is so accurate an analogy of what a migraine feels like that it may actually trigger migraines on its own, so maybe don’t stare directly at it for too long or anything if you’re prone to that kind of thing. But this is exactly what I’ve felt like for a month:
On the positive side, Rob and Olive are awesome and I love them. Without them it’d be virtually impossible for me to keep my chin up at all and I’d probably go curl up and hide in a closet until everything blows over. It’ll all blow over, right?
-R
r3dbar0n3ss 